Miss to Mrs. to MS

I recently came across an article titled, " The 5 Friends You Meet on your Grief Journey " by Nikki Pennington of Grief to Hope with Nikki Pennington . It walks through the different types of friends in your life and how they categorize themselves in times of grief based on how they support you (or don't). At the time when I initially read the article, I did so through the lens of someone who was grieving the loss of a parent; what friends were acknowledging my loss? What friends were supportive of my family? Who was reaching out to check on me? In the context of the article, the author was making similar assessments after losing her mother. Recently, I reread the article and realized that not only did it offer some relatability when it came to the loss of my dad, it also was absolutely applicable to my journey through the loss of my health compliments of MS; people in my various friend circles and beyond all reacted differently, and I found many of my relationships shift

The emotions that follow a diagnosis of MS are beyond complicated. As I mentioned before, there's an aspect of relief that you finally have an answer for whatever bizarre symptoms your body has presented you with. There's an element of surprise; how can I have been so healthy and normal for nearly 27 years when this is apparently what my body was bound for? There's absolutely all the stages of grief - you grieve for the life you imagined, the life you used to have, the health that you may or may not get to enjoy moving forward. There's also anger, the feelings of "why me" and "what have I ever done to deserve this?".  As I begin to work through my various doctor appointments, MRI's, blood tests and beyond, I began to tell the people around me about my diagnosis. Obviously my mom was there every step of the way, as was my husband. (He's been a literal rockstar through the chaos that has been our last 6+ months.) I told my close friends who

It's an undeniable fact that MS comes with a slew of frustrations. They may change month to month, day to day, even minute to minute, but they're always nearby. While some can be brushed aside, the ever-lingering annoyance I've found causing me considerable grief lately is a little symptom game called " Guess the Cause "!  So you're experiencing a new symptom - maybe it's a minor nuisance, maybe it's a major inconvenience. But the cause? That is ever the mystery. Is it the steroids? The comedown from steroids wearing off perhaps? Is it your medication? A lack of medication? Could it be heat-induced? Maybe stress-related? Perhaps you're having an actual relapse...then again it could just be a temporary flare. Did you eat too much of a triggering food? Didn't exercise enough? Exercised too much? Impending cold/flu/other random unrelated illness getting inflammation fired up? Good news is, there's a solution!   Wait and see. 

Now in my first post I told y'all about a wonderful  doctor who kick-started my diagnosis, my ophthalmologist. My primary care doctor was equally supportive and invested in getting to the bottom of what was going on with my body. She was set on expediting the process of finding a cause, and went to work getting me into whatever neurologist she could ASAP. This is where my diagnosis path hit a bit of a roadblock for awhile... If I could offer one piece of advice to someone working toward a diagnosis or even someone who has already been diagnosed, it would be find a neurologist you trust , who listens to you, and who you feel comfortable with.  Don't be afraid to be your own best advocate; neurologists are the key to all things MS in your life , from symptom management, to disease-modifying treatments should you choose to use one, to just general quality of life. You're going to be stuck with them potentially for the rest of your life, so you might as well like them! 

So let me start by saying I never   imagined myself starting a blog, much less a blog about something so personal. I just never saw myself as the blogger type - when it comes to forms of creativity I tend to stick to options that leave me covered in paint with something colorful to show for it. But let's be real, MS has a tendency to change a lot of things about your life, right from the moment you're diagnosed, so here we are! When I was finally told for sure that I had multiple sclerosis, I obviously went straight to Google - I wanted to know anything and everything I could about symptoms, treatment options, prognosis, the works. One thing I quickly realized though was that most firsthand accounts were written by people who were 40, 50 years old; I was already feeling a little bit of shock getting the diagnosis at only 26, and it was frustrating that I couldn't find anywhere to really read about other young peoples' experiences. MS affects everyone so differently alre