Starting my MS Journey

So let me start by saying I never imagined myself starting a blog, much less a blog about something so personal. I just never saw myself as the blogger type - when it comes to forms of creativity I tend to stick to options that leave me covered in paint with something colorful to show for it. But let's be real, MS has a tendency to change a lot of things about your life, right from the moment you're diagnosed, so here we are! When I was finally told for sure that I had multiple sclerosis, I obviously went straight to Google - I wanted to know anything and everything I could about symptoms, treatment options, prognosis, the works. One thing I quickly realized though was that most firsthand accounts were written by people who were 40, 50 years old; I was already feeling a little bit of shock getting the diagnosis at only 26, and it was frustrating that I couldn't find anywhere to really read about other young peoples' experiences. MS affects everyone so differently already, I wanted to hear from people who faced it amidst new marriages, and growing careers, and new cities, and having children - the things that I was already starting in on and knew would soon come my way. I figured I couldn't be the only one feeling this way and hoping for this type of insight, so if it doesn't exist - make it yourself! And hence the start of Miss to Mrs. to MS. 

I chose the name for this blog because it's exactly the transition I faced over the past 6 months. My husband and I were married in September, I started experiencing symptoms over Halloween, and spent the two weeks of our November honeymoon completely lost as to what was causing the numbness, nausea, temperature sensitivity, and double vision. At the time I blamed it on tropical heat and humidity and foreign foods, but when the double vision worsened I knew something was up. Immediately on our return home I went to my eye doctor; the double vision was only occurring in my left peripheral vision so I thought maybe I just had strained my eye or tired it out with endless time staring at a computer at work. I owe the fact that I immediately started on the path to diagnosis 100% to my ophthalmologist. (Shout-out to Dr. Nancy Houlder at ICON Eyecare!) I say this because I walked into that office thinking only about my eyes; after explaining my symptoms and working through a litany of tests to rule out any issues with my actual eyes (there were none), Dr. Houlder asked, "have you been experiencing any numbness?" I was thrown off by that - it seemed an odd question to have your eye doctor ask. I had been experiencing numbness in my left leg, but had passed it off as nerve issues related to an old knee surgery - I've always had some issues with sensation in that leg. Initially I said no, because again, knee surgery assumptions, but then figured I might as well tell her about it to see how she felt it was related. That's all it took - an exam for double vision and telling her about my numb left leg - and Dr. Houlder said she suspected MS, just like that. I give her major credit for this because not even my first neurologists connected the dots that quick; she suggested I get into my primary care doctor as soon as I could and there began my road to diagnosis. 

In the world of multiple sclerosis, symptoms in October to diagnosis in February is a quick turnaround; because there's no definitive test for MS other than identifying lesions on the brain and spinal cord over time, some people struggle for years before being definitively diagnosed.1 I absolutely understand how lucky I am to have been diagnosed quickly. For those of you reading this who did not have such a quick diagnosis I can't even begin to imagine the added frustration and uncertainty that came with that process - I'm sure you understand even more than I do the odd sense of relief that comes with diagnosis. That's a major part of this process that my healthy friends and family do.not.understand. Relief.  I get it - it's bizarre to think that someone would find relief in being diagnosed with an incurable, lifelong, potentially disabling autoimmune disorder. But when you experience months of weird, uncomfortable, sickening, and unfamiliar symptoms in odd combinations or at unexplained times, with no answers, it is terrifying. It's also incredibly frustrating to not have a solution for any of the issues. I'm what my mom calls a black and white thinker; there is little to no grey area in my world. If you identify a problem, then there's a solution, you just have to find it. Well, when you can't put a name to the problem you can't find a solution, and that does not work in my book. Relief. That's what I felt when I was finally told definitively (as much as you can be with MS) that all of my symptoms traced back to MS. Diagnosis meant it was time to find a solution, and that was something I was ready to put energy into. 

So there it is, my path to MS. From finishing my graduate degrees to wedding planning to joyfully starting my marriage with my wonderful husband to weird, confusing symptoms to fun (although moderately hindered) honeymooning to MS. Literally Miss to Mrs. to MS.