"Healthy" Young People

I've taken a bit of a hiatus because life got crazy - fortunately not MS-related crazy, but crazy nonetheless!

I've been thinking the last week or so about a comment that was made to me last week; it was made totally innocently, but has lingered on my mind:

"All you healthy young people don't need the more extensive and expensive insurance coverage!"

This comment came from a well-meaning woman at an insurance fair for my new job where we were all scrambling around to learn about what plans and insurance companies were available to us through the company; she absolutely meant no harm by it, in fact she really was trying to save me money by ensuring that "healthy people" would be just fine with the $237 a month plan as opposed to the $553 a month plan. 

Now when she said this, I actually almost laughed. "Healthy" is a word so far in my rearview mirror, and yet to her I looked like the picture of health standing in front of her in my business attire, carefully styled hair, polished makeup, with a smile on my face. I tensed up a little as I looked around me at my new colleagues, many right around my age, and felt like I needed to clarify to this woman that yes, they were all the picture of health having passed physical and medical testing to secure some of the other available positions, but that I had to do no such testing for my position and if I had, I would not have made it through the selection process. As soon as she used the phrase "you healthy young people," including me in that group, my brain immediately went:

Instead, I just let out a light laugh, thanked her for my time, and headed back to my hotel room to fill out the paperwork for that "more extensive and expensive" coverage she was so confident that I didn't need. 

It's a strange predicament, being young but not healthy, because people do assume the two go together. Particularly with chronic diseases such as MS and others, people who don't have them or don't know people who do think that they're diseases for the aging or elderly, not for active, youthful, 20 somethings. These assumptions make it hard to explain to people the changes in your life and routine, because you just aren't the age group "that gets those things" even if actual science says otherwise. 

This predicament has been enhanced as far as my own personal awareness of my situation due to my new job. The company I've started working for has an endless number of positions in a variety of different areas of the organization. While the vast majority do not, some of the positions do require health and medical clearances in order to be permitted to get the job and safely perform the related duties. This requirement has led me to be surrounded by many people my age who are quite literally at the peak of their physical health; they're taking on daily workout regimens, easily moving about during training, and staying visibly active. I on the other hand, am factoring in what possible symptoms might pop up with no warning and throw me off my game; I've got a bag full of muscle relaxants, stomach medications, Tylenol, and muscle rubs, a hotel freezer full of ice packs and cooling gear, and a pair of glasses on my face that help me from getting totally disoriented just trying to walk down a long hallway. Talk about contrast. 

If you ever (admittedly or secretly) watch RHOBH, you'll understand what I mean when I say I feel like Lisa Rinna with all the meds I have to carry around for "just in case" situations 😂

It's these scenarios however that remind me why it's so important to me to be open and honest about living with MS. Too many people don't realize or understand how this disease affects their peers, and how often it does without them even realizing it. It's comments like "all you young healthy people" that make those of us young but not so healthy people feel isolated and alienated. No matter how well-intentioned, it's not nearly as often that you hear people expressing understanding that just because you're young doesn't mean they should assume you're healthy; that moment reminded me why I started writing about my experiences in the first place.  

Now in this new environment, while I'm surrounded by peers who unknowingly serve as a constant reminder that I am not as healthy as many people my age, I'm also incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by some really great, supportive people as well. Despite not even knowing me hardly at all when they found out about my MS, I've had peers and superiors alike immediately voice support and willingness to help if I ever need it. 

The other day I went to the training site health center to inform them of my condition; I figure if anything were to happen it's safest for them to know my health background so they can reach out for help accordingly. A colleague of mine, Jess, came along to fill out some of her own health paperwork, and she happened to be standing within earshot when I informed the administrator that I wanted to ensure it was noted in my file that I had RRMS. After I handled it, Jess and I went to leave and she apologized immediately for not giving me privacy for that conversation. I quickly informed her that I didn't mind at all if people knew about my having MS; I assured her that if I had wanted or needed privacy I would've requested it, but that this was just part of my life and I didn't feel any need to hide it. What Jess did next is what I really, genuinely appreciate from people as a response: she asked questions. She didn't get awkward or weird, or treat it like something that couldn't be talked about. She apologized that I had to deal with it, and then asked honest, curious questions about how I found out, how long it had been, what symptoms I dealt with. I so appreciated that she listened when I said I was open about it and didn't mind people knowing, and turned around and used that as an opportunity to learn a little bit. So many people are scared by the information that you have a chronic, incurable disease (fair, but if I'm not scared why are you?) or feel like it's this taboo thing to talk about. If someone says they don't mind people knowing or don't mind talking about it, they typically mean it. Take those chances to ask questions - within reason, obviously - because the more you know the more supportive you can be. Be like Jess! Not sure what's appropriate to ask or say? Here's a great list to give you some ideas - if you're still not sure, just ask; I guarantee it will be appreciated. 

New Girl Jess reference - couldn't resist. 

Now in the employment setting, the challenge people sometimes run into is with supervisors. Because of that, I want to share a really great supportive supervisor story with y'all to show that yes - there are supportive supervisors out there in the world! If you need accommodations, don't be afraid to ask for them. Most supervisors want your life to be easier because guess what? It makes their life easier then too!

So anyway, the training I had to do was in a sort of classroom setting over a few weeks, and we had assigned seats for ease of organization and learning names of our colleagues. My seat was a few in from the aisle - a scenario I dread when it comes to my more "wobbly" days. I debated doing anything about it; I didn't want to be the needy trainee who day 1 was already asking for special treatment. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that the more comfortable I was, the more confident I'd be in handling the setting and situation, and the more confident I was the better I would learn while at training. So I figured I'd give it a shot. Regardless of the specific topic, when it comes to health I personally am more comfortable talking to women so I sought out the female supervisor and asked if we could chat after one of the lessons. When we stepped aside, I explained to her that I had recently been diagnosed with MS and so I was still very much in the learning stages of getting to know my personal variation of the disease and the symptoms that came with it. I assured her it would not get in the way of my training, but that I felt safer having her know about it in case I had a flare or any issues that caused me to miss sessions or have any outside challenges along the way. I also mentioned the seating issue, and explained to her some of my balance and stability issues and the difficulty those tend to cause with weaving in and out of tight walkways such as rows of chairs and other people. Her response was immediately one of support; she assured me that she has friends with MS and that doesn't make her an expert - an admission I really appreciate over people who pretend that means they know everything about your variation of the disease - but that whatever I needed throughout training they would work with. She also said I was more than welcome to swap seats with whoever was on the end of my row and to discuss it with them if I was comfortable, but if I wasn't she would handle it herself. I assured her I was happy to take that on myself, and sure enough my row-mate had no problem switching. All it took was being open and honest with my supervisor about the situation and I immediately had a concern addressed and a problem solved. Had I sat back fearful of telling people, I would've instead spent the entire training period uncomfortable and unsure about navigating my training space safely. I completely understand that not all work environments are like this unfortunately - but if you're unsure, find someone you're comfortable with generally and give it a shot, even if it's just with a colleague as opposed to a supervisor or other superior. Who knows, you may gain a new support system and confidant in a space you could use it the most.